Today I’m going to explain to you why piss is the color of gold. That is because piss is good, and so is the german grind band “Urinal Tribunal” and their brutal work which I am reviewing today.
“Schlüpferschnüffler” is a name I can hardly pronounce, even two german girls I met in Prague couldn’t tell me what the fuck it was but I suspect they lied because they laughed like histerical hyenas in front of two strangers. Fortunatly, the language of grindcore is universal and no german skills are necessary to enjoy this great PISS of music.
It starts with some german utterance and proceeds to dropkick you in the face with full cancerous force with the song “Humor Tumor”, we all know how funny cancer jokes can be, they are even better after this song, a great start for a great album, when I first heard I fell in love with the urine immediately, I was super exited to hear the rest.
“Fäkal General” follows with a groovy start to get you dancing and wagging your head like the tail on a happy dog. It has a very nice amount of speed between the groove and with less than 30 seconds for the song to end it manages to get even more brutal and awesome with great riffs and amazing speed.
With a punky start and a rising vocal anticipation, “Alt Und Willig, Geil Und Billig” delivers 47 seconds of butt shredding grind right in your face with the same sexy groove still lingering in the song.
“Spritzschiss” goes even punkier perpetuating the will to dance and fuck shit up and with a catchy tone. Some grind acceleration is also present in this delicious song sandwich. Some more nice groovy tones can be enjoyed before the song blasts off speedily towards the end.
With a slow beginning and a darker undertone “Potenz Prominenz” launches into an extremely danceable and catchy tune. The slower song so far, but your body won’t be able to stand still while your ears absorb the sound.
“K.Z.K.” gets going with a fast beat and two different equally enjoyable types of vocals that fit together very well, that german accent really improves the overall experience. This one doesn’t slow down, which is great, no offense to the previous song, which is also great, I want both inside me.
After some sample about necrophilia (I finally understood something, fuck yeah) “Idiote Epididemie” or Epidemie starts building up for a great orgasm with the song going steadily full of all the great elements present in the album so far and climaxing on itself, this would fuck shit up at a live show.
Then comes the first part of “The Fastest Song ever in the World” which holds the same amount of content as this paragraph.
“Lippen Der Scham” comes slowly with some drums fading in and awesome bass, more awesome riffage ensues before a storm of grind power comes from behind and has its way with you against the wall while you dance out of control.
“Popopopler” doesn’t even wait to rape your ears, this is another one of those songs that forgot the brakes in its other pants. It gets groovier in the middle in the company of some nice catchy vocals, then it goes fast for another round of your ass.
Another sample I understand, the german version of the Incontinentia Buttocks bit from Life of Brian aptly opens the song “Konsequent Inkontinent”, golden showering you with a groovy start. Then it yells at you and explodes in your face with the force of a thousand toilets flushing at the same time. It makes your body spasm uncontrollably with how awesome it is, not every person should drive and listen to this, although I did when Portugal won the euro, at maximum volume right by the police station, they loved it too.
“Straffreiheit Für…” hits you in the face with a taste of sexy crust laid down on top of the grind, perfectly executed.
A sensual female voice starts “Bumsklumpen” and drops you into a happy pit of people going around and around to the catchy rhythm. Another slow song to hold your sex partner for the night so close that they can feel your boner or wet panties.
“Speedglied” is very speedy indeed, the catchy riff and vocals get stuck in your head and it gets better and catchier as it gets faster, that’s the fucking spirit. These guys really know how to yell at the mic and by extension, at us.
“The Fastest Song ever in the World 2” is filled with the same ingredients that made the first part exactly what it is.
“Konsumsklave Zirkusaffe” gives you some arousing groovy warning before shredding every inch of the inside of your head with grindcore speed, it goes up and down with catchy vocals and a slower part near the end that just lets you breath for a little second before repeating the process and yelling so loud in your face that your skin stretches back.
The next song immediately starts to suck your soul instead with guttural power. “Penetration Sensation” goes into you slowly at first, then it slows down further as it squeals with pleasure. Then it gets catchy and makes you dance some more. Another song that doesn’t go very fast, just goes to show you that when you have something big, you don’t need to go fast to get that sensation.
Then comes 23 seconds of “Zipfelschmand Am Nippelrand” which according to my research is something (Zipfel?) sour under your fingernails. That must be what all the grossed out whining is about. The song begins with a nice riff tickling you and proceeds to grind your genitals with speed while the whining is going on. A very well spent 23 seconds.
After the sour sensation under your fingernails, things get personal with “Vaginal Personal” which starts with a very jolly guy say something about sex? I don’t know, its german, maybe you know? Contact me, I want this information.
Anyway, it immediately blasts into a great riff with both vocals doing circles around each other as the beat makes your body jump in every direction. The middles gets sexy and groovy, almost stoner, but then it goes back to the grind frenzy and catchy vocals and catchy everything that got me so hooked on this piece of music.
“Schlüpferschnüffler” delivers some more of the grind goodness that at this point I have come to expect from “Urinal Tribunal”. Halfway through it gets so sexy and crusty with the riffs and vocals that you could seduce a girl by just playing the song and sitting naked on the couch. It ends with a sample of someone getting beaten, it sounds like it at least, classic stuff.
A flushing sound drops you like a turd into “Bierklystier” and then the riff starts making you feel like you are circling the drain of the pit, one of those just right moments that make you dance along with the catchy as fuck vocals. Seriously, this song is catchy as hell. This is also the first song that has a pair of tits drawn in front of it in the back cover of the album, nice.
“Orgasmusspasmus” is another one that starts slowly but then the bass comes as a warning of the fucking amazing riff that follows which is joined by more catchy yelling. Later on it gets catchy in a different way as the vocals turn to an alliance of really squeaky girly singing and a dragged out crusty alcohol infused roar. Very good indeed.
The album ends with “Amoklauf Beim Schlussverkauf” which is a party of speed and grind in music form. Punk, groove, crust, grind, sexy vocals and an outro of literal sounds of destruction which fade away with the sound of a minigun cooling down. Fucking appropriate as this album feels like a machinegun firing cum in your direction as a beautiful woman pees on you and laughs. The cover has a woman with her underpants playfully caught on her feet, because this kind of great music gets women to drop the undies due to wetness.
I was described “Urinal Tribunal” as sexy rocking crust grindcore. Yes, this is an apt description of the band, this I can confirm after listening to this golden gem of grind. Now you know why piss is gold.
I’ve yet to see them live, but I look forward to doing a report on one of their shows and put it right here.
Text By J.P. Alves