“Warning, the man who wrote this report had his weed stomped by the police moments before the show and became prone to extremely negative displays of emotion, do not take him seriously.”
Once more I go to Cave 45 to suffer and wish I was dead. This time at an event by some hipster retards called Lovers & Lollypops, what the fuck kind of name is that? Anyway, I got there and yet another unoriginal band was playing some kind of rock with stoner or whatever, “Killimanjaro”, a band so original they stole their name from a mountain, because we know the mountain ain’t gonna sue. The show was terrible, I vomited twice, I just regret not vomiting directly on them, maybe they would have stopped earlier.
The next band was called “Oozing Wound” but they only oozed random noises and wounded our ears. The awful music made me vomit again, not only did they suck, they also made me waste precious alcohol. Partyboy looked like he was going through some kind of spiritual journey during the show, his brain must be backwards or something, I’m sure of it. I passed out after the first couple of minutes from vomiting too much and turns out the show was over already, score one for dick!
If you expect me to yell at more stuff, too bad, I’m done with this report, video games are waiting for me.
Text by Hugh Dick