“Warning, the man who wrote this report found a turd in his salad from an animal he can’t quite figure out. He was very displeased and confused after this.”


Cave 45 had on some really weird shit man. Tentacles fucking little girls kind of weird. Three guys, one had a strange golden instrument I did not recognize and kept blowing into it making all kinds of random weird noises that hurt my brain, a drummer who I’m assuming was drumming for the first time and a bass player, that’s it, who needs a guitar player anyway?

So these three guys made a lot of weird shitty noise for a long time, the audience wanted to feel special and cultured for liking such shitty, terrible music so they cheered at every opportunity. I’m glad it was only one band, I recoil at the thought of whatever bucket scrapings they were going to dig up to open for that.

I am positive they were just trying to make as much noise as possible, as quickly as possible so the audience wouldn’t caught on that they did not know how to play. Sometimes they got tired so they played randomly but slower to try and trick everyone into having feelings or thinking they had feelings.

Why do I keep wasting my time at these events? I really need to get a life, or maybe not, there was beer, not all bad.

Remember to spread likes as if it were herpes on our page if you like our kind, flattering words towards the bands.


Text by Hugh Dick

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