“Warning, the man who wrote this report got his dumb ass arrested the previous night, he was probably as angry as his butthole was wide open and therefore quite infuriated and unimpressed at everything, do not take him seriously.”
This Saturday night, I dragged my sorry ass to Metalpoint to see a bunch of bands I have never heard of in my life. Sounds promising, let’s get this shit over with.
The first band were called “The Gravediggers”, I thought they were going to be a cover band of Grave Digger doing barbershop quartet music versions of the classic Heavy Metal band. Instead it was an attempt at mixing death metal wit stoner I guess? With some gay melodies in there too, needless to say these elements mixed together as perfectly as two completely wrong and unrelated puzzle pieces, from different sized puzzles.
The next band, oh my fucking balls! It was so bad I will only say this, I really wish Partyboy was there to see it because even he wouldn’t be able to say anything positive about that. Alright, I ain’t spending any more words on that trainwreck, next.
“Forbidden to Fly”, here is a project that should have never been allowed to take off. Terrible music, terrible everything. The crowd was liking it because the crowd too was made up of sacks of shit who don’t distinguish good music from a hairdryer that doesn’t work properly.
Afterwards came a band called “Sotz” what is that? Some kind of ice cream? Whatever it is, the band wasn’t all that bad, in comparison to the others it was quite passable. HA! Of course it was horrible you dumb shits, it sucked, it was awful. The mosh pit though, that was funny and enjoyable. I will describe the mosh pit to you, it was a big guy in a hat and a Hatebreed t-shirt tossing little kids around, the kids hit the walls, bounced back against the big guy and each other and it was really funny.
The last band was French, I surrender already, someone take me back to jail please. Sadly no one took me to jail and I was forced to stay and watch “Weaksaw”, what kind of fucking metal band name is that? Weaksaw? Fuck man. Anyway, the show was totally weak and not cool as my favourite TV character and father figure growing up would say. At one point the vocalist went to the merch booth and threw all the merch from the other bands aside so he could crowd surf a little. Couldn’t do it from the stage like everyone else.
Sadly he didn’t fall on his face, but the mic failed a little which was fucking funny.
Another night of my life wasted watching numb skulls numbing themselves to shitty music
Text by Hugh Dick