Évora Metal Fest – Too Drunk on Drugs Report


“One of our young photo reporters was invited to this festival. Unlike certain distinguished public figures, he does not have the best words but neither would you if you wrote a report completely drunk at 4 in the morning. He was also very drunk during the festival and we believe he didn’t check the bill, this is all he could remember.”

What would you say when some crazy dudes from Évora that you met in Barroselas tell you “hey come to Évora Metal Fest for free, you guys can crash at our place”. I said “fuck yeah, I’m there already!”

That’s how it started last weekend. We crossed half the country on a 6 hour bus ride that left our ass like spongebob’s head. We knew that it was going to be awesome when those dudes sent us pics of a 24 pack saying “we already bought beer, hurry up!” the beer was Super Bock, they know that in the North no one likes to drink piss like Sagres!

Once we arrived, they picked us up at the bus station, and we went straight to the fest. Just in time to hear Crisix sound checking for their massive chim chiki boom later that night (we will get to that).

So, I didn’t tell you, but the guys who invited us there were from “ThrashWall”, and they were opening the fest, so after the sound check they were up on stage ripping shit up. At that time the fest was relatively empty (20-30 people laying in the back) so no mosh, but despite being my friends they made some gourmet thrash metal, full of truka truka and brapapapa, that warmed up our necks pretty well.

Next was “Ghold”, some guys from the United Kingdom that made some progressive noise rock. Not my cup of beer, in fact I didn’t see the full show (too bad I bet they were good) but I was already too drunk to remember much.

Next was “Stone Dead”, a band that caught me up nicely, because they rock and the drummer rocks even harder. But after a while I was tired of being there, so I went out for more beers and smokes and they were done.

As a matter of fact, I was impatient because all I wanted that night was “Crisix” on stage. I enjoyed “Prayers of Sanity”, this is a band I’ve wanted to see for a long time, it was a sweet appetizer for what was about to explode. At this time, the place wasn’t getting a bigger crowd yet (maybe because Évora is a town surrounded by Alentejo’s cows and nothingness). After “Prayers of Sanity”, our friends took us to the backstage and we had a 10 minutes chat with “Crisix” before their show.



So here it goes, the most detailed concert on this report because for me it was fucking unforgettable. Despite being a huge fan, they really delivered a freaking good show or as we say here in Portugal “do caralho” (quoting one friend that didn’t knew “Crisix” until he saw them there). They started with “From Blue To Black” (song from their self-titled last album) and in a matter of seconds there was this sort of small(10 people) but perfect circle pit that even Pythagoras would be proud of ( I know Pythagoras has nothing to do with circle pits, but fuck it, its geometry bitch).


They continued to play a shit ton of songs from all of their albums, including “Bring’em to the pit” which they stopped during the middle of the song to ask the crowd to do a “Football of death” which basically is a Wall of death with a balloon in the middle. Well this time they didn’t brought the balloon but there was surely death.


I remember hitting my head on something and being dazed like hell for 2 minutes, my friends from Porto were laying on the ground on top of each other (at the time they didn’t notice but they got all fucked up in the elbows and in their hands because the ground was some rough, fucked up asphalt, but they noticed when they got sober and hungover in the morning).


After that, I realized getting tired was not being an issue at that show and ran around more than Usain Bolt because the energy of their songs is just 100% healthy cocaine! Seriously they played 15 songs, which is a pretty big set list for a Thrash band.


Then we talked with them for a while again. I remember at that time, we were drinking beer with Moscatel wine, the vocalist, Juli, thought it was some liquor or whisky and didn’t want any Moscatel in his beer, more alcohol for us.

After a drunken conversation with the band we went to the after party which was happening at a local club, sadly you had to pay two fifty to get in, but the price included alcohol. We stayed for half an hour until we realized the party was sucking balls, so we bailed to crash at some place also known as the “Turtle Garage”, “ThrashWall’s” rehearsal spot, and I have to tell you, I have never seen such an amazing rehearsal spot, it’s basically a garage with two floors included with all we needed to chill and pass out after the show.

On the next morning (which was actually three in the afternoon) we went to buy food and drinks, and returned to the fest. All the bands on the second day were of the sludge/doom/ambient noise variety, so we got drunk and smoked out instead. I was waiting for a band called “Contradiction” which had a thrash sounding name, and I was correct! Straight outta Germany since the 90’s, they pumped Thrash metal up our asses and they were good at it.


After that came “Process Of Guilt”, a local band that had a T-rex for a vocalist. Believe me that guy had one of the most powerful voices I’ve ever heard live, you could see his neck veins screaming for mercy during their set.

After the second day, we didn’t make the same mistake of going to the official after party of the fest (fuck nightclubs) so we went straight to the Turtle’s Garage and we after partied like we did the day before, except we were watching shit like Jackass and drinking Whisky from the bottle.  We woke up hungover as if our brains were bathed in whisky and cooked in the oven, we jammed a little before catching the bus back to Porto.

There it is, one hell of a weekend in Évora that I would not remember if it weren’t for notes I took on my phone.  Luckily for you guys, I’m a responsible note taking alcohol supporter.


Text and Photos by Diogo A.





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