This week’s top 10 comes to you from the hands of Hugh Dick, writing this stuff gets him off and while he’s busy, he’s not asking me to borrow beer money. Remember to not take him too seriously.



There are those who will tell you that Metallica has a generic and unoriginal name. Although I strongly agree that Metallica is garbage, these Germans can Blow up the chart for creativity with their amazing name and single album from this year “Metal Heads”. Seriously, do I need to explain it any better? Just look at that name.

We Butter the Bread with Butter


Some guy was preparing for breakfast and his band mate just saw something deeply artistic in what he was doing. I don’t see anything here besides bland generic white bread with no sauce. If that was the point of the music, then the name was actually genius.

The Band


These guys get a slight discount because they are old, really old and Canadian. But anyway, this name just screams lack of effort. The previous band might be too white bread, but these guys chose to be the white bread of music.

The Music


Really? Literally anything would be more original than this, why don’t I just start a book company called “Dead tree skin photo albums with subtitles”? Actually that’s pretty good, The Music is still a terrible name though. It’s as if they made a brand new kind of super futuristic drumming kit with lasers that makes cotton candy and dispenses beer and they just called it the drum. Although I’m pretty sure these guys have none of that, so even worse.



Is it Live as in, seeing them live or live as in, we get to live? I don’t know, I do know this name barely qualifies as unoriginal because it’s so empty. Seriously, Live? Look at them, they just wanted to play live to get pussy. I wonder if it worked.

As I Lay Dying


“Hey guys! Let’s have a profound name full of meaning that will show off how smart we all are! But we just got out of high school, we know nothing about anything! How about that book they told us to read but we never did? Remember? It was written by some guy called Fukner, HAHAHAHHAHAHA!” I’m glad the guy sort of tried to kill his wife so I don’t have to read that dumb shit pre-school band name so often.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah






These guys want you to know they are evil. They also want you to know that everyone in the band loves digimon. Pokémon is for normies am I right? Anyway, nothing goes better with children’s cartoons than some sad and depressive gothic metal.

And So I Watch You From A Far


I guess the name “Creepy Child Molester” was taken. To be fair, both Child Molester and Child Pornography are taken as band names, this is just the way post rock rolls, with dumb shit names like this one and Russian Circle Jerk.




When I read this Italian Thrash Metal name I can’t picture violent mosh pits swirling endlessly with drunken retards across a dead field. All I can picture is fancy, well-mannered dinks offering tea and crumpets to each other, disgusting.

That’s my top you cunts, there are many more unnoriginal bands out there trying to be cool but they don’t fool me. If you know any more unoriginal band names, feel free to shove them deep in your ass because I care zero shits about what you guys have to say.


Text by Hugh Dick


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