Dead Dick Lord – Cave 45 ANGRY SHITHEAD BASTARD REPORT

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“Warning, the man who wrote this report has no idea how to work a camera or use any video editing software, which makes him mad at the rest of us and even madder at you. Instead of trying to better himself as a person, he prefers to insult everyone for shits and giggles. Do not take him seriously.”

 

Fuck me, almost two weeks to finish writing a simple fucking report on three bands, two of which I’m already sick of seeing live on stage. The one I hadn’t seen was the worst of them all… how is this fucking possible?

Let’s get this shit over with quickly. The first band named themselves after a Powerpuff Girl villain, “Mr. Mojo” (why did I watch Powerpuff Girls as a child…look what I have become ).

Looks like the green brain ape quit his plans for world domination to pursue a quiet office job, sounds boring doesn’t it? Well… that’s exactly how their performance was, fucking boring.

At least they didn’t name themselves after the gay Satan, weren’t those little fags around here a few weeks ago?

Anyway, carrying on to the next fucking band…Local boys “Wanderer” showed up to grace us with their super edgy epic speed heavy metal.

I’m sure all those things would apply if they did it 30 years ago when heavy metal was fresh and still relevant for innovation.

Unfortunately for them, it’s fucking dead, trying to do new things with it just weird and inappropriate.

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The power grid agreed with me when it committed suicide for a while, leaving the whole place in peace and darkness, hands down…best part of the night.

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They brought the lights back and “Wanderer” got to suck for another thirty minutes or some shit.

Little did I know, the shit levels of music that night were still far from reaching their apex. Four Swedish truckers calling themselves “Dead Lord” pranced around on stage for a fucking hour.

The vocalist jumped around as if his ass was suffering from severe hemorrhoid inflammation…I don’t know why. The music was fucking generic and rehashed. This shit had been done a million times before, and it wasn’t even fucking decent when whoever did it, did it first.

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When they finished their last song it was such a relief, finally it was time for more booze somewhere else, I didn’t care where, I just wanted to be far away from these shitty bands.

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Partyboy keeps doing a terrible job filming with his lousy ass camera. This time he was smart and didn’t put it on his big fucking head. Here is the latest video, subscribe to keep me from lighting bags of shit on fire in front your door.

 (I still watch Powerpuff Girls)

 

Text by Hugh Dick

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