“Warning, this report was written by some metalhead kid that pisses on the bed more than she does on the toilet. To write about an actual musical experience you should, at least, have ears and a minimum acceptable I.Q. This person has non of it since she only listens to shitty music and goes to festivals to play at being an adult, while not being able to drink a beer without throwing up. Do not take her seriously.”
So a while ago on a Wednesday I decided to kill time and go check out some powerviolence dudes playing at Maus Hábitos. And guess what? I wanted my freaking money back so I could drink and cry about the money I spent on not drinking instead.
A wannabe band that decided to name themselves like some fucking random trap artist decided to come to Portugal and waste people’s time. Obviously the hardcore kids that ran away from home to watch a random stupid show came in their tights after the first 10 seconds of music while jumping around like monkeys doing this *I can’t shit* face.
It was a sad sight, watching the whole thing… contemplating the effort that everyone was doing to pretend they were watching a good show and acting like they live that Portuguese thug street life because they listen to fast shitty “music”. Ghettö played for about two and a half minutes while I was standing completely bored hoping for some fucking good music.
They even decided to give people stickers saying “Grindcore is love” after putting on a fucking miserable show. I guess they are hoping that some hardcore scene Instagram girls put that on their cellphones and take mirror selfies to get free advertisement for their record label.
After that thing happened, something else started going on with this guys in a band called Boak that played for another 3 minutes, completing the two band show that lasted five minutes.
It felt like the people around me were trying to be part of something that they will then post on Facebook to show what “true underground” sounds like, I don’t think anyone really wanted to be there to enjoy the music.
I don’t even think the morons on stage enjoyed the music they were playing, it’s more like two guys without friends that came up with a stupid band while having no idea of what they wanted to do except travel and fuck groupies.
These guys should ask Ghettö for some French baguettes and fuck each other with them instead of making some terrible riffs and charging people money to watch some 30 year old weird men trying to hide little dicks behind musical instruments.
Basically it sucked and I hope these bands learn how to not be so bad at making stupid sounding music.
Text by Hugh Dick