SWR Returns to fuck your face for three straight days of non-stop extreme metal action. That is, if you are a pussy. If you aren’t, you will know that there’s actually four days of face fucking every year. Then there’s Carlos, and all o’those other guys, who got there on tuesday.
This year, the report will be a little bit different. Yes bitches, innovation. Instead of doing a day by day report, the whole thing will be packed into ONE report. Wow. (We had to split it anyway, most people can’t handle 9 pages at once, especially our editors).
Folks are way more interested in shitposting these days than actual reading. So, to all the old timey assholes who actually read this crap, let’s dive into SWR XXI because this year was fucking lit!
We arrived early on thursday, really early. AM early, really. There were only two other campsites at the time, Carlos with his neighbour buddy, and some other guys camped in the deep woods.
Several joints, shots, and beers later (the holy trinity), it was time for the bands and their shows and all, so we stumbled our way to the third stage.
Locals “Paisiel” started this year’s edition with some sax and drumming. It was great to stay in your tent and fuck, (or whatever people do these days), amazing mood setter. Alternatively, you could get high and enjoy the trip.
“We Dream Alone”were up next, they did in fact dream alone because we missed them, and we are everyone, of course. SWR is the time and place when and where you find those ‘friends’ whom you never see all year, and then suddenly, out of the void, they creep every which way. All that mixed with the ethanol and the grass make up for an environment fistful of distractions.
The Swedish stoner trio “Firebreather” were on when we got to the stage. It was a nice show, we remember that much. Plenty of drunks were gathered around already waving their bodies to the music.
Speaking of drunks, next was “Putas Bêbadas”, for all you non portuguese speaking readers, that stands for drunken sluts. This band left us confused on many levels, we really don’t know what else to tell you. Everyone who had seen them before seemed to share the same opinion as well as many who talked to us after the show.
The main event of the night and by far the best performance on day 0 of any SWR we can remember (remembering day 0 is extra hard) was “GosT”.
He came from below and unleashed Synthwave for the first time in Barroselas, history was made and the party was fit to the occasion.
The entire festival was crammed into stage three, orgasming to this intense figure creating the music, being hypnotized by the accompanying mysterious shape whose only purpose seemed to be holding a skull for the entire duration of the show. Dancing was rampant as day 0 culminated, everything was in unison, pitch perfect to the fucking hell, striking us right in the face: the music, the drinking, the smoking, all the idiots you love and see all the time and the ones you should see more often, a vortex of dark synth pulsing through our souls and making them jizz all over.
Our balls were thoroughly empty after this show, not even the fact that I lost all my money and the SWR cup could make me feel worried or down.
The hungover hit extra hard with the loss of all my money, money with which I could have bought another SWR cup.
However, this passed quickly when our friends from Metal Mad Magazine informed us that our event to bring the President to Barroselas had shown up in the newspaper! Hot shit!
“Oak” was thoroughly good again at SWR, with the biggest crowd I’ve ever seen attending a first show at the third stage. Just these two guys made a massive wall of sound, it felt like a thousand people were playing up there.
But the slow doomy times were over, it was time for some proper goodly violence up in this festival!
“Placenta Powerfist” drew first blood and the audience fisted itself into an angry mosh pit. This first mosh pit was so delicious that during the last song, two of the band’s members came down to mosh with the crowd and their instruments.
Afterwards, we learned that “Sourvein” cancelled. Not a tragedy, we’ve seen them before at SWR back in 2014. However, this changed the schedule on stage two a little bit.
“Firebreather” repeated their show which we are sad we missed the second time, then the main stage opened with south africans “Vulvodynia”.
Plenty of energy and attitude ensured that the main stage opened properly.
The time had come for the daily dilema. Which band should we watch? The one playing outside or the one playing inside at the same time?
We tried both and partially succeeded.
“Wormhole” was tearing up dirt on the third stage as we passed by, plenty of fun was being thrown around. Sad that their schedule coincided with another act.
A rare act apparently.
Italians “Mortuary Drape” were a deadly blend of assassin’s creed looking, black/death metal badasses. The crowd sacrificed their necks to their mysterious music, lest they be sacrificed themselves for the band’s next album cover.
Yes, plenty of rumors have been going around since the 90’s that their first album was an actual corpse they dug up for satanic fun. Maybe!
Regardless, their show was amazing, like watching a bunch of angry black metal Ezio’s and their big uncle who knows a bunch of cool spooky stories and shit.
We saw our first concert at the second stage, which gave most people a stroke. “Hexis” was two bright lights in your face while the silhouettes of the band spasmed agrilly, like shapes from the void.
It was similar to Oranssi Pazuzu from last year, only a lot less chill and a lot more steroids and agony. Extremely enjoyable, would see again!
“Master’s Hammer” was the time we chose to have dinner, gotta eat sometime. We saw the pictures, they looked like wise grampas, it made us curious about their black metal.
“Teethgrinder” were shredding people in two on stage two when we arrived, a massive party feeding off the band’s massive music and attitude. Delicious to feel and watch.
The main event on day 1 was about to begin, the thrash veterans “Exhorder” who only seemed old in appearance.
Violent mosh pits erupted throughout the show. I remember that the fat guy with the huge beard was pretty funny and charismatic, always a plus.
We had to abandon for a while to check on the pulse of a fellow DOD staff member who drank more than his own weight. He was fine, don’t worry about it.
The second stage was closing with norwegian death metal band “Obliteration”. More neck sores for everyone accompanied this death/doom act. This was that part of the night where memories get diluted with liqueur, we remember it was fucking fun! “Obliteration” was good on youtube as it was live.
The main stage closed for the first time with “Mortiis”. We didn’t see the whole show because there really wasn’t much to see besides Mortii’s sexy mask, he didn’t do anything else.
What he did do was set the mood. The mood for what you ask? Sex? Drinking? Hard drugs and moshing?
No friends, the mood to play some goddamn Dungeons & Dragons!
The tunes themselves were good and soothing, in case you’re wondering what the fuck kind of music Mortiis was playing, don’t worry, DOD has got you covered!
Although Mortiis has tackled various weird mixes of musical genres, what he did at SWR was exclusively Dungeon Synth for some reason.
Yes, Dungeon Synth, it’s only performed by extremely virgin individuals, so not a lot of people have heard about it…except for us…
Anyway, Mortiis gave the festival a great ambience, being in the forest seemed more epic than ever, as if goblins might jump from the bush to steal my beer.
Moving on to the last band we saw that day, “Pestifer” who never disappoint our thirst for death metal.
Many drunks who couldn’t stand the lack of fast drumming during Mortiis lumbered their way to the third stage in order to check out Pestifer tuning their instruments.
You read correct, apparently, a death metal band doing sound check was more appealing than Mortiis.
As it began, a lot of enthusiasm was already palpable. The Dungeon Synth made everyone tight, it was like a long tease.
Our boners could not take it any longer and so, Pestifer fucked the audience good and violence was restored to the festival.
Few will realise why this show was a fucking miracle.
We missed “Axia’s” debut show but it sounded great from far away as we wobbled our sore asses back to the woods. Until the next day…
Text and video by J. P. Alves
Photos by Madelaine (AKA Captain Kitty Litter)
Video editing by Bessa