CVLTO BIRTHDAY BASH – FERRO

Good size dick

CVLTO is back, celebrating two years…

Hugh Dick: Seriously? Wtf?

Partyboy: Yes, our Partners threw a celebration for their anniversary at a brand new bar we’ve never even heard about!

HD: Sacrilege! Who is hiding bars from me?

PB: The aptly named Ferro Bar lies up the street from Barracuda and has a lot more space to stretch your legs.

HD: We gonna talk about how the beer ran out?

PB: What? No, we’re gonna talk about the bands and general ambiance of this new drinking hole. Also, the beer didn’t ran out.

HD: Whatever, the non-shitty beer ran out.

PB: CVLTO’s sunday matinee started with some nice chill stoner from “Sun Mammuth”.

HD: Really? You’re gonna make me do this?

PB: What?

HD: *Sigh*… Mammoth Grinder, Ufomammut, Mammoth Storm, Acid Mammoth, Mammoth Grove, Desert Mammoth, Stone Age Mammoth…

PB: Wait..

HD: Motor Mammoth, Mammothwing, Grand Mammoth, Holy Mammoth..

PB: But…

HD: Mammoth Weed Wizard Bastard..

PB: Ok, that last one you made up.

HD: It’s in your 2017 top 10 you dingus.

PB: Doesn’t matter! These three Mammoth motherfuckers had a great sound that kicked off the celebration smoothly.

HD: Could have kicked me off a fucking cliff.

PB: They even laid down a Kyuss cover of “Gardenia” that sounded awesome.

HD: Oh, the vocals, those terrible, awful vocals. Garcia would kill himself.

PB: The stage area itself is a million times better than barracuda with a lot more capacity for partying.

HD: Still smaller than Metalpoint though.

PB: This means that there is hope for partying in this Lemmy forsaken town. Paving over that mural at Fundo do Poço and the Franken Lemmy at Cave 45 was a dick move.

HD: Don’t blame me, I also enjoy excessive drinking.

PB: Next show was a sexy and familiar sound to us, “Heavy Cross of Flowers”.

HD: So close to being the Heavy Cross of Mammoths.

PB: Their show was…eh…

HD: What?

PB: Well…it was…tunes and stuff…

HD: You missed it?!

PB: Maybe…

HD: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Quite a DICK MOVE Partyboy, wouldn’t you say buddy?

PB: Fine! Yes, I missed it but I’m sure it was awesome, this band never disappointed the last three or four times I saw them. I am pissed that I missed them.

HD: It was very…flower power.

PB: Anyway, moving on…

HD: That means it was gay as shit.

PB: Closing CVLTO’s successful birthday Party… was alchemy rock band from down south, “Fuzzil”.

HD: Alchemy? What the fuck are you saying?

PB: A great and energetic show, perfect to celebrate CVLTO’s birthday.

HD: Their label is Raging Planet? Oh god no!

PB: Fuzzil do wisely by not binding themselves down with silly labels such as stoner or other heavy or not heavy shit. By doing so, they free themselves from the shackles of “we’re this band that plays this particular shit”, none of that.

HD: So when do they drop their rap mixtape? One of them was black, I’m sure he has one somewhere.

PB: Don’t be racist Dick. Fuzzil played an amazing and diversified show, so many different sounds working well together.

HD: Sounds more like you don’t remember what the fuck happened or you have nothing to say so you just made shit up. Those vocals were beyond atrocious, especially when they did it together.

PB: Well I liked it and the people liked it! So you suffer alone Dick, once again.

HD: My testicles are cold suddenly.

PB: I have to say, the DJ afterwards was…uh…

HD: Complete garbage? Yes, quite.

PB: No, not that, it was just…you know, not doing anything for me in particular.

HD: Yes, utter trash is what you mean.

PB: Can’t you ever be a little tactful?

HD: Needs work…

PB: Better.

HD: …by work I mean expensive plastic surgery.

PB: That’s it for today friends! I hope you remembered to SAVE your ticket from this event since our Partners have some raffle planned for their next party on December 28th and you will need that ticket to participate.

HD: I lost them.

PB: You what?? For fucks sake, guys, we don’t have any info on this but hold on to your tickets. We’ll see you next time, maybe.

 

Text by Partyboy and Hugh Dick

Good size PB

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