Partyboy: Can you hear them…? The deadly maracas, playing in the distance?
METAL FIESTA RETURNS!!!
Reloaded and ready to fire the best of music up your earholes.
Hugh Dick: And get me beer money.
PB: We won’t elongate ourselves too much because tooting our own horn is getting old.
HD: It got old the first time you did it.
PB: Once more, duct tape ensured everyone was up front during the first band, not that London based stoner rockers “Madmess” would need it.
HD: Don’t even remember how I insulted them to be honest.
PB: Fiesta Reloaded started smoothly, packed venue, groovy tasty as fuck riffs and alcohol flowing for everyone.
HD: The gummy bears were all stuck together.
PB: Yes…we should definitely not have reduced the alcohol levels on the gummy bears, especially because of the unicorns.
HD: How bout that alcohol free watermelon?
PB: It had a bottle of rum and a half in there! The watermelon was just fucking big.
Anyway, “Madmess” started the party properly, you could smell weed and LSD just by looking at them.
HD: For hippies they didn’t stink too much, but then again I literally saw 5 seconds of the show.
PB: It looked great from the bar! They’re shirts were off after it was over so it must have been good.
HD: Yeah, because it was very chilly inside Metalpoint. Right?
PB: The next band gave the giant middle finger to Hugh Dick.
HD: They did?
PB: “HvMvCvDv” didn’t wait for Dick to introduce them to the audience, they just immediately went into grindcore mode and people started flying all over the place.
HD: Oh! I was taking a shit.
PB: The first show we saw of them, right here in Metalpoint, PALED absurdly in comparison! I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that Metalpoint turned into a miniature Obscene Extreme during those moments.
HD: He’s totally exaggerating.
PB: Pure and relentless musical violence of the most disgusting quality that Galicia has to offer. Blew my freaking mind dude!
HD: Joke’s on them, no one will ever know how to pronounce their name.
PB: It’s “ HOMICIDA”, you jerkbag.
HD: I’ll say this, way better than the garbage that followed.
PB: After the Spaniards exemplified how murdered everyone would be by the end of the evening, it was time to chill for a while and light up a big ole blunt to the sounds of local monkey boys “Orangotango”.
HD: The halftime show was a trainwreck, I’ve never felt more surrounded by idiots in my life. One of them turned into a different idiot.
PB: Yes, maybe next year it will be better. But Dick, you actually called our next band soulless ginger monkeys to the face.
HD: Wanna see me do it again?
PB: No, that’s alright. “Orangotango” continued the chill ambiance started by Madmess and the dopamine started oozing all over the audience…along with Dragon Piss and Death Watermelon. It was a great show, even if you take into consideration all the…
HD: Man, you better not book any fucking stoner bands next time.
PB: …even if you take into consideration all the kvlt Metalheads complaining about the stoner bands.
I told you Dick, you can’t have the same fucking thing for lunch every day of the week. Sometimes you gotta eat something else.
HD: I’ll eat your fucking balls deep fried with a salad.
PB: Closing our second Fiesta was the job of a long lost treasure from SWR’s 20th birthday Party.
HD: Should have stayed lost.
PB: SWR has a history of criminally underrated bands playing the third stage at unfavourable times of the day. This of course is not SWR’s fault…
HD: The fuck it isn’t! Those cu…
PB: It’s the audience’s fault.
HD: Ok, then…
PB: “La Hija del Carroñero” played their first show in two years and what a fucking show it was! Rarely is such violence displayed at Metalpoint and once more, spanish grindcore proves its fearsome mettle to a crowd of drunken portuguese retards.
HD: Are you going to talk about the alcohol running out?
PB: Who cares?! It’s the last band, if people drink more they will surely die.
HD: NO ONE CARES! We all want to die. We need more booze next time you dumb fuck.
PB: Fine! More booze next time, can I wrap this up?
HD: You were finished already.
PB: I was?
HD: Yes! So long motherfuckers, see you on the next fiesta (actually took so long to release this shit, the next fiesta was three weeks ago). Don’t expect reports anytime soon, we have better shit to do now.
HD: Nope, I’m done writing this garbage nobody reads, you self jerking cunt bag. We have bands to insult in the face now…and you shall bring them to me.
PB: Fine… to be honest guys, it’s been rough releasing these reports. We’re going to focus our efforts on the party aspect and leave the reading and writing for others.
It’s time for Drunk on Drugs to level up, we know there are at least 5 people who will read this, but the people who were there will never forget. Even if they never read this shit.
HD: Goodbye CUNTS! See you at the bottom of the bottle.
Texts by gullible loveable Partyboy
In co-op with cunt alcoholic asshole Hugh Dick (currently banned from Facebook)