Author: Drunk on drugs

Porto Deathfest IV – Partyboy Report

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Our third time at PORTO DEATHFEST has come and gone and it was the best one yet! Last year I was unable to film the event due to surgery. Thanks ACxDC, I wasn’t using that knee anyway.

Dick did not record anything because he is a dick and would rather steal my crutches and pretend he was dying to get a free “last beer ever”. So many dumb fucks fell for that.

Moving on, this year we did everything the festival deserves! Video, photos and even our fourth edition of DOD Magazine landed at Porto Deathfest. (Wait…you didn’t get one? Sucks to be you, they are probably sold out by now but check Bunker.) 

The event itself has grown since last year, a growth more noticeable than between last year and the previous edition of 2016.

With two days of face fucking action in two separate weekends, we’ve been hyped for months to bang our brains at this special occasion.

The first day was a sunday matinée, starting with “Beyond Carnage” from Sintra. A nice death metal appetizer for the day. Although the vocalist was actually pretty good, both with his voice and with his stage presence, he seemed a little out of place among the rest of the band.

Still a great start to the best edition of Porto Deathfest we’ve seen.

It did not take long for things to get really exciting really fast, a new band made entirely of Sinister veterans set fire to the stage with their explosive death metal.

Neocaesar” conquered our hearts with their fresh old school death metal. The dutch band proudly displayed their effectiveness at sodomizing the audience with rampant headbanging.

As they played the last song, “Blood of the Nephilim”, I noticed two members of the organization moving to the front line with a small paper box. Then they just stood there until the song was over.

With the song finished and the audience cheering loudly and fervorously, the two organizers called the vocalist over and proceeded to slam a cake on his face.

Happy birthday Mike, you beautiful bald bastard. He laughed with cake all over his eyebrows, good to see that big tough metal veterans can take jokes and creampies to the face.

Next was a fresh band, sort of. After breaking up in 2012 with only an EP and a split following two years of activity, turks “Burial Invocation” returned to active duty in 2014.

Four years later, they unleash their first proper album “Abiogenesis” which we experienced first-hand in the face.

Three young dudes (were they supposed to be four? we thought there were four of them) displayed their masterful techniques at fingering strings and banging drums.

Jizzus! These guys can FUCKING PLAY, their music was so fucking delicious, seriously technical yet woven in a way that holds your attention and makes you hard/wet for more.

This show felt smaller than the others, meaning it was the best, their songs are also fucking huge for death metal, but so delicious you just want them to go on forever.

Although it was absolutely lit, the rhythm was slightly inconsistent and surprising in a good way, which made the mosh junkies confused, so moshing was minimal.

Still the best show hands down, the band was supremely comfortable on stage and it showed.

Even more supremely comfortable on stage was the band that inspired them to make death metal in the first place…

…AND THEY PLAYED NEXT!!! HOLY SHIT!

Fleshcrawl” came from Germany to roundhouse kick everyone’s nuts with their old school death metal. No show on Porto Deathfest was more intense than this so far (including previous editions). It felt like the Bolt Thrower concert we’ll never see.

Moshing was more rampant this time around and Metalpoint was packed with headbanging drunks, howling at Sven Gross. Yeah, the vocalist’s name is Gross, its german, don’t worry about it, I’m sure he’s heard all the jokes.

He was a funny and charismatic guy, his massive presence commanded a mosh pit as big as possible inside Metalpoint. Absolutely delicious.

Day two of Porto Deathfest started off with 75% of local band Back Alley Lobotomy but with the guitarist on drums.

Aischrolatry” threw a tremendous grind performance. We couldn’t believe this was the opening act since it was so utterly badass.

A lot of people thought to themselves “the fuck is this?”, this is noise grind my friends, get with the times.

We were even more impressed when the band told us that THE WHOLE THING WAS IMPROVISED ON STAGE!!!

Fuck! These guys must have been the best fucking band of the decade! That was improv?! It was so lit, flowed so naturally from the band and…and now I’ll never hear those songs again…

Oh…also it was their first show.

After that blew our minds, it was time for the second birthday of the festival. Why did they put all the anniversary bands second? Probably a coincidence.

Anyway, “Biolence” great and powerful, turned 20 years on this day. I remember seeing these guys years ago, one time the police showed up to crash their party, totally gay.

The police, not the band. Or maybe the complete Ned Flanders who called the police.

Due to this anniversary occasion, several people came to play with the band, old vocalists, old bassists, old drummers, old friends, trve warriors, good times.

But wait, I remember this being a thrash metal band. Why is it so pumped with death metal? We don’t know but we like it a lot.

Biolence doesn’t disappoint and now, in death metal flavour, they are more satisfying than ever. Unless you are a pussy, if you are a pussy then you will find Biolence’s music terrifying, not that it is particularly terrifying but pussies are pussies.

Next was something similar to Neocaesar, a new band made of veterans from other awesome bands. “Grindead” came and grindcored everyone to death with their music. Very satisfying show indeed.

We never thought we’d see the main man of classic portuguese grind entourage “Genocide” ever again. I witnessed the legends almost 10 years ago at V5 (which no longer hosts live bands as far as we know) and it was one of our first contacts with live grindcore. Unforgettable.

It was also fucking awesome when they played a Genocide cover, another one I never thought I’d hear again live. Fucking great, keep grinding people to death, you guys are good at it.

The cherry on top of this death metal cake were Americans “Necrot”. Just three guys with a simple concept, destroy your neck with sonic explosions and look badass while doing it.

Porto Deathfest had been extremely enjoyable thus far, but this moment was the culmination of everything. No mosh pit achieved this much rage, energy or dicksize. The lights were stuck on red so we couldn’t tell if anyone was bleeding.

Who cares though? People are flying, hair is whipping, drums are tearing down the fucking walls and the crowd howls like madmen as the band roars back with death metal.

They only have one album yet so the show felt pretty small. Probably more because it was awesome than for lack of music – they do have a few demos and shit.

As we predicted in our announcement, Tank Crimes has a roster that does not disappoint, just like Porto Deathfest.

Another amazing edition of this kickass festival, where we forget how much beer was involved. Wouldn’t have it any other way, this shit will probably get even more intense next year, so keep this fucking fest under your radar.

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Text and video by J.P. Alves

Photos by Diogo Azevedo

Video editing by Quaresma

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Outeiro Metal Fest, First Edition – Partyboy Report

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Drunk on drugs travelled far to witness the miracle of birth for the first time. No! Not small persons being squeezed out of vaginas, you perverts.

Nope, we went to see a festival being born, the first edition of Outeiro Metal fest, so far out in the mountains that it was almost Spain.

The stage was on one of those rural football fields that wasn’t being used for anything as far as we know, so the locals put it to good use and made a fucking festival! That’s right! The stage you saw was assembled by a few people in two days and most of the ingredients were trapped in an overgrown thicket of thorns and bullshit.

As we arrived, “Vurdalak” was about to begin. They played a very personal instrumental sound with some stoner, sometimes black, sometimes things we don’t know. A nice start for the festival to squeeze itself into history.

Things were about to get a lot heavier next with “Nematomorphos”, or at least they would be if the audience wasn’t so inclined to stay clustered to the bar.

Not that the band cared about that, they were here to PARTY and PARTY they did, with or without the audience!

The vocalist was excited and spirited, the fact that we and two other guys were the only part of the audience up front and enjoying their heavy music, did not affect them in the slightest.

“Nematomorphos” played their sexy death/thrash, had a lot of fun doing it and everyone else who didn’t have fun can suck dicks. The beer won’t run out if you step away from the bar for 5 minutes. They even played a Black Sabbath cover, Symptom of the Universe, fucking nice!

Not bad for a band with half a year of existance.

After that it was dinner time. We got to the food stand which sold kick ass steaks in a hot bun. We waited for a while, gettin drunk, killing time before the organization showed its face on stage.

Ruina” came next with the darkest, most substantially depressive sound of the festival. The audience was three times as thick now and they responded in mass to the band.

Somber riffs, doomy drums, ominous saxophones and a vocalist that didn’t hold back anything.

Seriously, even when the mic broke down in the second track, he kept singing without it and HE PULLED IT OFF!

I repeat, the vocalist pulled it off without a microphone, he did not need a microphone. His voice was fucking…POWERFULL!

Barefooted and ragged, along with his entourage of tenebrous musicians, “Ruina” gave a massive performance that we did not see coming. Entrancing suicidal music, even had some unexpected blastbeat by the end that left our dicks hard for more.

The vocalist told a really good joke at the end but we’re not telling you. Really should have been there.

Next and for the second time this week, sensual stoner from the town of Mirandela, “Witch Sin”, their music as beautiful as the town itself. Stoner metal with a chill vibe, groovy riifs and more fuzz than the pussy on a 1970’s porn star.

The final band was “Sotz” who played a great opening show at Laurus Nobilis Music Fest’s second day.

They kicked even more ass this time around. The vocalist, as usual, is a total animal on stage and in your face when he decides to go start the pit himself.

There was a more proper pit during their show, even the first ever Wall of Death at Outeiro Metal Fest. Sotz is no doubt a muscular band that doesn’t hold back.

Props to the drummer who learned all their songs in a few days before the fest. This meant that they had to repeat the first song when the crowd screamed for more music.

What a great place, great bands, great everything. It’s amazing how many long running festivals, with several editions under their belt, can still do a lot of things worse than this one during the first edition.

The camping site was actually better than many festivals, with shade 24/7, it was also smaller than the stage but DETAILS!

We are excited to see how Outeiro Metal fest grows up, until then enjoy our video of the first ever edition of this awesome festival.

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Text and video by JP Alves

Video editing by Quaresma

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Yawning Man – Witch Sin – Woodstock 69 – Partyboy Report

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Suck it sonicblast! We don’t need your Kadavar’s or your Earthlesses or your Colour Haze’s! Yawning Man is the tits! The psychedelic, desert stoner rock tits!

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, let’s calm down for a bit and go one step at a time.

This 9/11, we headed to Woodstock 69 to report on two bands. We got this gig due to a 9/11 joke, so don’t discard 9/11 jokes out of your life.

Opening band was “Wich Sin” from Mirandela, a very beautiful town in fact! Is the band as beautiful as the city you ask?

Quite so! Their first single came out a few weeks ago (more like a month ago) a nice power trio of stoner fuzz that was great at setting the mood for the main event. We’ll see them again in less than a week at Outeiro Metal fest.

Did we tell you that it was HOT AS BAAAALLLS???

Yes, Woodstock 69 always succeed at making you feel in the middle of a 69 in progress (or several). You could feel the dragon’s breath as soon as you walked in the door.

Fortunately, the band did not give a shit! Straight from the middle of the desert in California, “Yawning Man” felt right at home in the desert heat of our local 69 bar.

As usual, the contrast between people who showed up to see the 30 year old veterans VS the people who showed up to see the opening act was very deep indeed.

We were taking a piss when it started, got there and the stage was packed with music junkies. Fuck!

Here’s what I did; since it was impossible to get any closer, hot as the desert and more of a sound band than a flashy theatrical band, I laid my ass down on the couch.

Yeah, Woodstock 69 has two big, red, comfy couches in the back. A joint in my hand, my ass rested and the best fucking tunes swimming over me, I tripped balls, it was amazing.

The best part was the vibrations from the loud music made the couch jiggle so it was like a massage bed.

Haha! Those fools upfront, dying from heat stroke while I get a full body massage with a giant fan next to my face for free to the sound of Yawning Man, this is the life.

After a while, the hot weather took its toll on the geography of the audience and it was easier to get up front to see the grandmasters of desert rock at work.

It was even more beautiful up close, they launched into “Ghost Beach” at that moment and it was majestic. Their songs flowed so nicely, true experience at its finest. It tastes even better when we’ve been blue balled by this band since 2015, when they cancelled on us at the deceased Reverence Fest.

The wait was worth it, we’ve been to five, yes FIVE editions of Sonicblast, two Reverences and more Milhoes de Festa than we’re proud of. This leaves out all the thousands of bands we’ve seen elsewhere playing this genre.

In all these years, never have we come across such deliciousness in sonic, desert stoner psychedelia. Many come close, just barely, but the competition is cute at best.

“Yawning Man” started it all, smoking a joint today would never be the same without their unique style and sound.

It was a bit sad that they didn’t play Rock formations, but that just gives us the urge to see them again, in case our sound boner wasn’t hard enough for them already.

Woodstock 69, you’re bringin a lot of good stuff this way, keep up the good work, we’ll start a crowdfunding campaign to get you some AC. Then you guys can bring some frosty black metal bands.

Enjoy the sexy video and photos of the event, Outeiro Metal Fest report coming this week.

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Text and video editing by JP Alves

Photo and Video by Diogo Azevedo

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