Live Stuff

Filha da Cvlto – Maus Hábitos

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“Yes, I know this report is late as shit. As you know, I’m currently busy with learning how to bartend properly so there is hardly any time to publish or even make reports.

Plus, everytime I ask Dick to publish something for me, he just flips me off and rolls a joint so…yeah.

Here’s our overdue report on FILHA DA CVLTO, synthwave finally came to Porto.”

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2018 July 12th – 2018 December 28th

Five months. Five months!!

I asked for it in July right here and we got him for Christmas. When I heard the news about Lazerpunk coming to Porto I just thought to myself “Well, nobody reads this shit so maybe the existence of Santa should be thoroughly investigated.” That’s when I decided to put my best agent on the case; a bit young with a questionable sense of fashion, but reliable. His name is Kung Fury.

So, are you confused yet? That’s perfectly normal, you’re probably reading this sober and that doesn’t make any sense. You think I’m not over 8000 levels of highness writing this putridly loveable text?

Ok, if you’re still here let’s go back for some dubious seriousness.

Lazerpunk came from Budapest to Porto to perform at Maus Hábitos (translates literally to Bad Habits, you can imagine what happens to angels there…) at an event called Filha da Cvlto which blew our expectations up.

They even had an exhibition of pretty pictures from several disgusting gigs just like Hugh Dick and it made us rethink our lives, why we were there, why beer is more expensive than gas, should we ask for a loan to quench our thirst specially now with these crazy rates; all of these thoughts straining our brains while at the same time realizing that we couldn’t wait to listen to the album Death & Glory being performed live, shaking our skinny buns to the waves of Speedracer feat. Quixotic , Black Lambo, Digital Demon feat. Daniel Deluxe  or even Ego Death.

This album being gold, me and my imaginary friends wasted no time in starting the Gluteus Vibratus Ceremony due to the heavy, aggressive and hellish Hungarian bass only a mindless carcass could process.

His presence during the live performance was worthy of our attention – the last time I felt the same was with Gost at SWR fest, minus the whole theatrical foolery – with all the jumping, the hand calling and self-recording with the audience making us feel and love the music even more, just like a friend would act as your sweet sixteen dj owning the night with a dark feeling.

Yeah, Helga, the sixteen-year-old blonde girl inside me, was wet for the authenticity that emanates from a well-grounded artist that DOD recognizes as one of us, a drunken junkie. Hope he comes back to Porto so we can give him the award personally.

By the way, you owe me a beer, bro.

Before one of the best acts of 2018 came in everybody’s faces, the only thing my smelly self knew of the chosen ones to warm up the crowd in need of some cyberpunk injection in the veins was and I quote “Two friends that enjoy making Gothecno and Post-Punk sets. Perfect for funerals.” To be honest, it didn’t reassure me at all, and oh boy was I semi-mistaken.

Why semi, you ask? And why would I start writing the final act and turning this text even more confusing with all these drinks, dusty weeds and going back in time? Well, that’s a funny story actually…

So, Penta.Grama are two friends that warmed-up the place with some tracks from the past like that one song, and this one and they even played the other one, man, fuckin’ awesome!! These drugs are making me thirsty!!

I recognized so many of them oldies but my memory was shot dead for drunk on drugs since the only way we’re able to report here is to be intoxicated at all times, and also there’s no pay, but lots of experience.

Nonetheless, these two made me eager to see them again in the following months to check their progress WITHOUT the accidental bits here and there, but nothing that a drunken junkie would notice, so much his journey was worthy of a few bumps.

So, now you ask “Hey Flama, you fucking poser, you went to check some beeps and boops, the main act is lazerPUNK and there isn’t even a real guitar that comes with it. What came before that, Stomp?”

Well, joke’s on you my dear imaginary reader, for we had the unsavory pleasure of attending the most raw, disgusting, and noisy punk band, Vürmo. “The band that nobody likes” (I’m quoting the guitarist here and honestly it should be their slogan) made everyone lose their shit on creating the biggest mosh pit I’ve seen in ages at that rather confined space the venue had for all the luciferian acts going on there.

Let’s just say, not to cite any names, that the main act was going crazy with them; beeps and boops also enjoy living on the edge by trashing stolen cars!

Noises like No return Poisoned flesh, and Into the night merged us all into a huge pile of testosterone. I’m serious, even the wahmen started growing balls, looked like one of those famous trap music parties they usually have there for the youngsters, truly the highest point of this event!!

Well, all these performers were quite surprisingly monstrous live, we all had a great time and, what?! There’s another band? Verbian? What’s that? Why am I always the last to know things? They opened the Filha da Cvlto? I wasn’t there man, I’ll just listen to them on the webz and say they were great, no one is reading this fucker. Who wrote what?! Ok sure, I’ll put him on here; ‘just hope he was as drunk on drugs as I was or this could actually turn out to be good…

—-“Bro Verbian was totally cool, some kind of Led Floyd stoner, like those Burney Relief guys but with their own vibe. Very good shit my dudes, they belong playing at Woodrock Festival, so if you bastards are reading this, pop them in the fest.

—-The audience was super into them too, it was quite packed for an opening act, but not quite the overflowing anime tiddie bra I saw when the punk boys played (both punks). Verbian, yes, DOD approved”       Partyboi

 

Hey, this guy ain’t bad, seems like he was buzzed light-years ahead of me, good job!

So, there’s no one else to talk about, they’re telling me I have to wrap this up.

I’d like to thank the academy, the performers that were nice enough to talk to my degenerate self, Filha da Cvlto that organized a really interesting event with quality acts; they’re under DOD’s dragon radar now, they brought a nice layer of filth to our town, hoping next time you’ll bring Quixotic with some palm trees for a cleaner act.


Text by Flama Jiberish

Drunken Verbian Text by Partyboy

PS: Hugh Dick actually stayed home that day, nice dodge Filha da Cvlto

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Porto Deathfest IV – Partyboy Report

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Our third time at PORTO DEATHFEST has come and gone and it was the best one yet! Last year I was unable to film the event due to surgery. Thanks ACxDC, I wasn’t using that knee anyway.

Dick did not record anything because he is a dick and would rather steal my crutches and pretend he was dying to get a free “last beer ever”. So many dumb fucks fell for that.

Moving on, this year we did everything the festival deserves! Video, photos and even our fourth edition of DOD Magazine landed at Porto Deathfest. (Wait…you didn’t get one? Sucks to be you, they are probably sold out by now but check Bunker.) 

The event itself has grown since last year, a growth more noticeable than between last year and the previous edition of 2016.

With two days of face fucking action in two separate weekends, we’ve been hyped for months to bang our brains at this special occasion.

The first day was a sunday matinée, starting with “Beyond Carnage” from Sintra. A nice death metal appetizer for the day. Although the vocalist was actually pretty good, both with his voice and with his stage presence, he seemed a little out of place among the rest of the band.

Still a great start to the best edition of Porto Deathfest we’ve seen.

It did not take long for things to get really exciting really fast, a new band made entirely of Sinister veterans set fire to the stage with their explosive death metal.

Neocaesar” conquered our hearts with their fresh old school death metal. The dutch band proudly displayed their effectiveness at sodomizing the audience with rampant headbanging.

As they played the last song, “Blood of the Nephilim”, I noticed two members of the organization moving to the front line with a small paper box. Then they just stood there until the song was over.

With the song finished and the audience cheering loudly and fervorously, the two organizers called the vocalist over and proceeded to slam a cake on his face.

Happy birthday Mike, you beautiful bald bastard. He laughed with cake all over his eyebrows, good to see that big tough metal veterans can take jokes and creampies to the face.

Next was a fresh band, sort of. After breaking up in 2012 with only an EP and a split following two years of activity, turks “Burial Invocation” returned to active duty in 2014.

Four years later, they unleash their first proper album “Abiogenesis” which we experienced first-hand in the face.

Three young dudes (were they supposed to be four? we thought there were four of them) displayed their masterful techniques at fingering strings and banging drums.

Jizzus! These guys can FUCKING PLAY, their music was so fucking delicious, seriously technical yet woven in a way that holds your attention and makes you hard/wet for more.

This show felt smaller than the others, meaning it was the best, their songs are also fucking huge for death metal, but so delicious you just want them to go on forever.

Although it was absolutely lit, the rhythm was slightly inconsistent and surprising in a good way, which made the mosh junkies confused, so moshing was minimal.

Still the best show hands down, the band was supremely comfortable on stage and it showed.

Even more supremely comfortable on stage was the band that inspired them to make death metal in the first place…

…AND THEY PLAYED NEXT!!! HOLY SHIT!

Fleshcrawl” came from Germany to roundhouse kick everyone’s nuts with their old school death metal. No show on Porto Deathfest was more intense than this so far (including previous editions). It felt like the Bolt Thrower concert we’ll never see.

Moshing was more rampant this time around and Metalpoint was packed with headbanging drunks, howling at Sven Gross. Yeah, the vocalist’s name is Gross, its german, don’t worry about it, I’m sure he’s heard all the jokes.

He was a funny and charismatic guy, his massive presence commanded a mosh pit as big as possible inside Metalpoint. Absolutely delicious.

Day two of Porto Deathfest started off with 75% of local band Back Alley Lobotomy but with the guitarist on drums.

Aischrolatry” threw a tremendous grind performance. We couldn’t believe this was the opening act since it was so utterly badass.

A lot of people thought to themselves “the fuck is this?”, this is noise grind my friends, get with the times.

We were even more impressed when the band told us that THE WHOLE THING WAS IMPROVISED ON STAGE!!!

Fuck! These guys must have been the best fucking band of the decade! That was improv?! It was so lit, flowed so naturally from the band and…and now I’ll never hear those songs again…

Oh…also it was their first show.

After that blew our minds, it was time for the second birthday of the festival. Why did they put all the anniversary bands second? Probably a coincidence.

Anyway, “Biolence” great and powerful, turned 20 years on this day. I remember seeing these guys years ago, one time the police showed up to crash their party, totally gay.

The police, not the band. Or maybe the complete Ned Flanders who called the police.

Due to this anniversary occasion, several people came to play with the band, old vocalists, old bassists, old drummers, old friends, trve warriors, good times.

But wait, I remember this being a thrash metal band. Why is it so pumped with death metal? We don’t know but we like it a lot.

Biolence doesn’t disappoint and now, in death metal flavour, they are more satisfying than ever. Unless you are a pussy, if you are a pussy then you will find Biolence’s music terrifying, not that it is particularly terrifying but pussies are pussies.

Next was something similar to Neocaesar, a new band made of veterans from other awesome bands. “Grindead” came and grindcored everyone to death with their music. Very satisfying show indeed.

We never thought we’d see the main man of classic portuguese grind entourage “Genocide” ever again. I witnessed the legends almost 10 years ago at V5 (which no longer hosts live bands as far as we know) and it was one of our first contacts with live grindcore. Unforgettable.

It was also fucking awesome when they played a Genocide cover, another one I never thought I’d hear again live. Fucking great, keep grinding people to death, you guys are good at it.

The cherry on top of this death metal cake were Americans “Necrot”. Just three guys with a simple concept, destroy your neck with sonic explosions and look badass while doing it.

Porto Deathfest had been extremely enjoyable thus far, but this moment was the culmination of everything. No mosh pit achieved this much rage, energy or dicksize. The lights were stuck on red so we couldn’t tell if anyone was bleeding.

Who cares though? People are flying, hair is whipping, drums are tearing down the fucking walls and the crowd howls like madmen as the band roars back with death metal.

They only have one album yet so the show felt pretty small. Probably more because it was awesome than for lack of music – they do have a few demos and shit.

As we predicted in our announcement, Tank Crimes has a roster that does not disappoint, just like Porto Deathfest.

Another amazing edition of this kickass festival, where we forget how much beer was involved. Wouldn’t have it any other way, this shit will probably get even more intense next year, so keep this fucking fest under your radar.

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PHOTOS:

 

Text and video by J.P. Alves

Photos by Diogo Azevedo

Video editing by Quaresma

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Outeiro Metal Fest, First Edition – Partyboy Report

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Drunk on drugs travelled far to witness the miracle of birth for the first time. No! Not small persons being squeezed out of vaginas, you perverts.

Nope, we went to see a festival being born, the first edition of Outeiro Metal fest, so far out in the mountains that it was almost Spain.

The stage was on one of those rural football fields that wasn’t being used for anything as far as we know, so the locals put it to good use and made a fucking festival! That’s right! The stage you saw was assembled by a few people in two days and most of the ingredients were trapped in an overgrown thicket of thorns and bullshit.

As we arrived, “Vurdalak” was about to begin. They played a very personal instrumental sound with some stoner, sometimes black, sometimes things we don’t know. A nice start for the festival to squeeze itself into history.

Things were about to get a lot heavier next with “Nematomorphos”, or at least they would be if the audience wasn’t so inclined to stay clustered to the bar.

Not that the band cared about that, they were here to PARTY and PARTY they did, with or without the audience!

The vocalist was excited and spirited, the fact that we and two other guys were the only part of the audience up front and enjoying their heavy music, did not affect them in the slightest.

“Nematomorphos” played their sexy death/thrash, had a lot of fun doing it and everyone else who didn’t have fun can suck dicks. The beer won’t run out if you step away from the bar for 5 minutes. They even played a Black Sabbath cover, Symptom of the Universe, fucking nice!

Not bad for a band with half a year of existance.

After that it was dinner time. We got to the food stand which sold kick ass steaks in a hot bun. We waited for a while, gettin drunk, killing time before the organization showed its face on stage.

Ruina” came next with the darkest, most substantially depressive sound of the festival. The audience was three times as thick now and they responded in mass to the band.

Somber riffs, doomy drums, ominous saxophones and a vocalist that didn’t hold back anything.

Seriously, even when the mic broke down in the second track, he kept singing without it and HE PULLED IT OFF!

I repeat, the vocalist pulled it off without a microphone, he did not need a microphone. His voice was fucking…POWERFULL!

Barefooted and ragged, along with his entourage of tenebrous musicians, “Ruina” gave a massive performance that we did not see coming. Entrancing suicidal music, even had some unexpected blastbeat by the end that left our dicks hard for more.

The vocalist told a really good joke at the end but we’re not telling you. Really should have been there.

Next and for the second time this week, sensual stoner from the town of Mirandela, “Witch Sin”, their music as beautiful as the town itself. Stoner metal with a chill vibe, groovy riifs and more fuzz than the pussy on a 1970’s porn star.

The final band was “Sotz” who played a great opening show at Laurus Nobilis Music Fest’s second day.

They kicked even more ass this time around. The vocalist, as usual, is a total animal on stage and in your face when he decides to go start the pit himself.

There was a more proper pit during their show, even the first ever Wall of Death at Outeiro Metal Fest. Sotz is no doubt a muscular band that doesn’t hold back.

Props to the drummer who learned all their songs in a few days before the fest. This meant that they had to repeat the first song when the crowd screamed for more music.

What a great place, great bands, great everything. It’s amazing how many long running festivals, with several editions under their belt, can still do a lot of things worse than this one during the first edition.

The camping site was actually better than many festivals, with shade 24/7, it was also smaller than the stage but DETAILS!

We are excited to see how Outeiro Metal fest grows up, until then enjoy our video of the first ever edition of this awesome festival.

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Text and video by JP Alves

Video editing by Quaresma

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