Merda -Repressão Caótica – Jarda – Dumbowax – Woodstock 69 – Partyboy Report


“In case you don’t know, we got robbed a few weeks ago, assholes broke into our car and jacked out laptop. This is the report that suffered most from this, Dumbowax’s first show, Repressão Caotica’s epic improv session and Merda’s massive pit, all that footage was in that computer…so enjoy reading…”

Get ready for a fistful of rock, punk and violence at one of Porto’s last hopes for extreme live music, Woodstock 69.

The night began with “Dumbowax” who played for the first time ever. One drummer, one bass player and a lot of rocking. Wouldn’t have guessed this was a first show. Felt like these guys are used to the stage and the music.

Up next came “Jarda” with some sexy, arousing thrash fused with stoner and other things we weren’t quite able to identify. It was kinda confusing and messed up at first, although with plenty of energy and power from the band.

We later learned that only the audience heard anything, the sound guys seems to have cut their sound balls in half.

Fortunately, the band said FUCK IT, they wanted to play for us and so they did. The second part of the show was even more sexy with the music sounding better since the band stopped being confused or caring that they didn’t hear themselves.

They wrapped things up with a nice jam session that left the audience hungry for more. This was “Jarda’s” third show, chances are that this will get even better with time. You probably don’t remember the first show because they picked the worst date in the world, SWR( but not at SWR).

Repressão Caótica” came next and you know what that means! We really hope nobody fucking dies this time around.

The show started great but something had to fucking die as soon as we began enjoying ourselves. This time, however, it wasn’t people but something far more important, the chords!

That’s right, the guitar player exploded his guitar strings with crust force so we had to hang around while the drummer layed down a rhythm and the vocalist made some improv.

It was great improv I must say, caught our interest, kept us from leaving, made the crowd laugh and amped up the excitement for the rest of the show!

When the guitar was ready, the audience was on the verge of massive ejaculations. This hype was on point, the band kicked our asses for a while longer and we loved every second of it.

Sadly the chords broke again in the middle of the last song, it was sad but still an amazing show. If it had sucked, we’d be relieved that the chords died.

We still want our Fiat 500.

Lastly came the Juvenile Music Band Merda from Brazil! You there who don’t know Portuguese, merda means Shit! Yeah, I know there’s a band called Black Shit thats very famous and not a joke band at all, fifth graders laugh their asses off when we tell them this.

Anyway, “Merda” played some groovy and hilarious power violence that seemed tame at first.

At first is a key word here, after a few moments, there was rampant moshing and violence all over the place. No doubt, the biggest mosh pit we’ve seen at Woodstock 69.

How have we never heard of these guys? Amazing shit, I feel sorry for you if you missed this.

They played in Braga with Vai-te Foder the next day, I feel really sorry if you missed that too.


Text by J.P. Alves



Barros first show ever – Company Event Concept – Partyboy Report


We came to party for the first time at a town with one of the funniest names ever, Trofa!

After getting lost a bunch of times because the GPS was acting slow and dumb, we finally made it to our host’s watering hole, CompanyEventConcept.

This place was very nice and in good shape, obviously not a lot of crust punk and gorenoise bands have been here before. That would be great though.

Folks and staff were nice, the location was good. There is even a more wholesome version of Stop right next to the bar, it looked like a legit building where people live but no, bands rehearse there. What crazy shit we find out. Lyzzard were there too.

It was time to see if the band was good. Yes, although we got lost several times and made it to Trofa roughly one hour and a half late, the show itself was even later than that, beginning only after midnight, thirty minutes after midnight.

We spent the time drinking and smoking, then “Barros” came and their first show ever began.

Props to Paulo Barros for being a kickass guitar player who will shcool you all in the art of fingering, you dirty weebs.

That being said, the overall music didn’t tickle our balls that much, the drummer was pretty good as was the bassist.

However, we can’t shake the feeling that this whole endeavour would be a lot more fun as an instrumental act.

That’s our opinion anyway, clearly not the only opinion since the house was packed with excited headbangers from all ages (seriously all ages).

We’d sell our sweet asses to have a place like Company Event Concept near home. I almost threw up in disgust this past saturday when I passed old Cave 45, now turned into the most bland and hipstery restaurant/hotel/bar/buttsniffing parlor like a thousand more that have been popping up all over the city.

If the city doesn’t welcome us, we’ll just fuck off somewhere else and party in Trofaville.

We might even start organizing our own shows in the backyard.



Text and video by J.P. Alves

Photos by Margarida Veiga


Box Sized DIE Feat Holocausto Canibal – Partyboy Report


Ah… it’s a beautiful afternoon, the birds are singing, the sky is clear, the sun shines over the trees and rivers as the people shuffle around the sexy park of Serralves.

We came here to witness the opening of a contemporary art exhibition named Zéro de Conduit curated by the big shots of the museum.

Not that we really care about any of that no, no. We’re here because “Holocausto Canibal” is playing!

That’s right, amidst all this fancy art that actually looks kinda weird and retarded sometimes, one of the best grind/death acts in the country are about to lay down some gory tunes.

However…they played inside a really tiny black metal box. João Onofre’s box sized Die, an 183cm metal cube carpeted with acoustic foam all over. Other sensual bands have played here, Avulsed, Gorod, Unfathomable Ruination and even Holocausto themselves some time ago.

But we didn’t see that shit, so here we are now to witness the boxing and unboxing of Holocausto.

The idea is, these boys have no specific run time, they just go at it for as long as they have air inside the box, let’s do it!

So Holocausto start playing, all is well and good, very nice. Then they closed the box.

That’s it fellas, the rest of the show was spent wandering around, looking at the art or putting your ear against the box, trying to listen to the far away sounds of death metal.

Drinkin and talking with your buddies as well.

While all this frollicking was going on, some retards broke into our car and stole our laptop. You gross pieces of shit, I hope satan gives you cancerous aids on your ass and face which he will confuse for being so alike.

This was a massive meme loss for us, as well as some video reports, we’ll talk about those some other time.

Eventually, Holocausto ran out of air, museum staff opened the door and Orca came out of there roaring like an angry beast, it was fucking great!

Sort of made me wish they had kept the box open, still a good show though. Not worth our FUCKING LAPTOP but that’s alright, we are back on our feet and doing stuff, hopefully we get to see Holocausto Canibal again with more room, more blood, more pig’s heads and more chainsaws, especially more chainsaws.




Text, photos and video by J.P. Alves